And too many kids are being messed up through divorce – yes
I’m not here to help lessen the divorce rate; but I am here to help kids adjust as well as possible, with as little scarring as possible, to their parent’s divorce.
Kids don’t ask to be a tool or a weapon used in a battle of the spouses.
Parents need not fight their spousal wars on the children’s front. Children don’t deserve that. They ‘rightfully’ should have both their parents in their lives.
Realistically, the two fronts will often overlap and there will be damage on both fields – spousal and parental. It often cannot be avoided, but it certainly can be minimized, For the Sake of the Children.
For the sake of the kids:
- Keep spousal issues separate from parental issues in order to co-parent as much as possible.
- Do not involve them in the adult world of divorce. Spouses divorce; parents don’t. Children are the by-products of divorce. Try to keep that line bold and distinct.
- Talk to the other parent. If need be, learn how to communicate around kids’ issues with the help of an objective third party.
- Avoid spiteful, revengeful and punishing actions towards the other parent. In the end, it’s the kids who get hurt the most by this.
- Set limits. Don’t indulge out of pity. There is no place for the “sugar daddy/mommy”. Divorce is not an excuse for misbehavior. Pity yields spoiled kids. Understanding and loving, but firm and consistent parenting is crucial.
- Teach by example. You’re the role model for handling a difficult situation. How are you managing your own negative emotions? What are your kids seeing? What are your coping skills when this “ain’t” what you bargained for?
- Keep extended family members involved. Children are deserving of loving from both sides of their family.
- Commit to creating a peaceful home environment. We choose the negativity and toxicity we hold onto, and we can choose, for the sake our children, to let go of much of it and embrace all that we are grateful for – our children.
- Be good to yourself. Be kind and gentle. You will have more goodness to give to them.
- Breathe in the positive and breathe out the negative.
Divorce is hard on all. It represents a huge shattered dream. It takes time and patience to move forward and create new goals and dreams.
“Some people think that it’s holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it’s letting go.”
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